How to Use a Time-Out

As part of learning about their world, young kids often get into things that they shouldn't and break rules. Even though this is expected, they need to learn how to control their behavior. Time-outs give kids a short break away from a desired activity and your attention so they can choose acceptable behaviors. Here's how to use time-outs with your child.

• When your child is behaving, praise their behavior and have plenty of warm interactions. A clear difference between time-out and "time-in" makes time-outs work better. Time-in is when you spend quality time with your child.

• Teach your child about time-out before using it. You may want to use dolls or puppets to show your child how a time-out works. Make sure they understand that a time-out gives them time to get in control and move to a behavior that is OK. 

• Be clear on what behavior leads to a time-out. For example, hurting someone else or doing something dangerous (like running into the street) may lead to a time-out. Avoid giving time-outs for behaviors like whining, tantrums, or complaining. Try ignoring these behaviors instead.

• Give your child strategies for calming down in time-out, such as deep breathing.

• To give a time-out:

  • Simply and calmly state the reason for the time-out. You could say something like, "I'm taking you to time-out so you can calm down and stop hurting your brother." 

  • Calmly lead your child to the time-out space. This may be a chair or the bottom of the steps but not the child's bedroom. You can hold your child's hand or carry your child facing away from you (your child's back to your chest). Do not pull or drag your child. 

  • Stay close enough to your child to make sure they are safe, but focus on something else like a chore or reading a book. Don't talk to or respond to your child even if they are crying or yelling.

  • End the time-out when your child is calm. If your child has been crying or screaming, as soon as they stop, wait for 20 seconds and then end it. Time-outs should not last longer than a few minutes — generally, about 1 minute per year of age.

  • After a time-out, make sure your child engages in fun activities with you.

• You have questions about time-out and other ways to discipline your child.

• Time-out does not seem to be working.

• Your child's behavior doesn't get better.

• You are having trouble coping with your child's behavior or worry you may hurt or hit your child.

How does time-out work? In time-out, your child gets a short break from fun and from your attention. This gives them time to calm down and realize that when they follow the rules, they get to keep having fun and enjoy your attention.

Time-out should be done the same way every time and not be overused. All adults responsible for disciplining your child should use time-out in the same way.

What if time-out isn't working? Time-out works well for many children, but some can't calm down in time-out. You know your child best — if it seems like time-out might not be right for them, talk to your health care provider about other ways to teach them to calm down and move from unacceptable to acceptable behaviors.